There is a serious conflict of cultures onboard all modern cruise ships. Half of the ship is designed to get you ‘fat’, while the other half is trying to get you ‘fit’.

This battle dates back to the great days of Ocean Liners. Even a hundred years ago ships had gyms, steam rooms, pools and glorious dinning rooms.

For us ‘sedentary’ types, our traditional weapon was the ‘steamer chair’. It was the perfect design to allow one to recline and do absolutely nothing. A blanket ensured that not even the North Atlantic would persuade us to stand, walk or run, perish the thought.

A modern variation of the steamer chair is the 'sun-lounger'. This allows you to do nothing and fry in the sun at the same time.

The 'Midnight Buffet' used to be our other main method of defence. Ridiculous amounts of food were offered every night, only a few hours after dinner. Sometimes they even started at 11.30pm!

Unfortunately on many modern ships the midnight buffet has almost become extinct. The 24 hour Pizza is now our ‘stealth’ weapon. However, I must admit that it lacks the firepower of the traditional Midnight Buffet.

The’fitties’ fought back in the 1980’s and 1990’s and started building bigger gyms, bigger beauty therapy centres and even jogging tracks onboard ships. However, we ‘fatties’ were not going to be beaten.

We introduced our most far reaching weapon yet. It was one which would change the entire cruise industry. It was know as the ‘balcony’ or ‘veranda’ cabin’. Yes, a private space where passengers could happily do nothing and no one could intervene and try to involve them in futile physical activities such as ‘belly flop’ competitions or the torture know as 'aerobics'. We liked them so much that we are prepared to pay through the nose for them!

The ‘get fit’ brigade launched a five pronged counter attack from the then new ‘Voyager of the Seas’. Their arsenal included Rock walls, Ice Rinks, a Basketball court, Miniature Golf and an In-Line Skating circuit. To bring the story up to date, they have just revealed there latest secret weapon in this long war, a ‘Surf Park’.

Even though physical activities are getting progressively more popular onboard modern ships, all is not lost for us ‘fatties’. Fortunately the number of staff and public rooms devoted to ‘getting fat’ still outweighs the ‘getting fit’ brigade.

Our latest weapon is NCL’s ‘Freestyle’ concept. We have ten (yes ten) onboard restaurants at our disposal and flexible meal times, but only one gymnasium. So ‘fitties’ how are you going to compete with that!

Malcolm

Though fot the day: Essential oils never used to be essential, did they?

[ 09-13-2005: Message edited by: Malcolm @ cruisepage ]

Do my eyes deceive me? Are you - with all your spleen at the thought of extra-tarif restaurants -actually citing Freestyle as a good idea? And it's dining rooms, not dinning rooms!

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Originally posted by mec1:
Do my eyes deceive me? Are you - with all your spleen at the thought of extra-tarif restaurants -actually citing Freestyle as a good idea?

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A cross between Bill Bryson and Michael Palin.
Superb reading; had a blast. My wife is from UK and I forwarded it to her; she loved it !!!!

Onno

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Originally posted by Malcolm @ cruisepage:
So how many of you here, do visit the Gym's while onboard?

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[ 09-25-2005: Message edited by: Globaliser ]

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Originally posted by Malcolm @ cruisepage:
So how many of you here, do visit the Gym's while onboard?

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Originally posted by mec1:
Malcolm -

Do my eyes deceive me? Are you - with all your spleen at the thought of extra-tarif restaurants -actually citing Freestyle as a good idea? And it's dining rooms, not dinning rooms!

Mike

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Malcolm wrote:
So how many of you here, do visit the Gym's while onboard?

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Haven't had the pleasure. Except on the penultimate day of our cruise with Festival’s EUROPEAN VISION when I shot the last frames of video on the ship. My wife, who has been to gyms before on land, decided to have a little fun on one or two of the apparatus, and I must say, she looked good (she’s nine years younger than me ). Malcolm, if you pick the right cruise or rather, if the cruise picks you, the gym might be the place to hang out!

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